Two percent milk?
Don’t make me laugh!
My Grape Nuts only
get Half-and-half!
Dave Thomas
4/22/2021
Two percent milk?
Don’t make me laugh!
My Grape Nuts only
get Half-and-half!
Dave Thomas
4/22/2021
A steak is fine
With a glass of wine
and you can have it if you please
But I would wish
for a more tasty dish
and will stick with mac and cheese.
Dave Thomas
4/20/2021
The Black Cat (Reposted on April 15, 2021)
This one was probably 45 or 50 years ago, when the kids were young. We all liked
cats and had several of them. Also, it seemed that when anyone dumped a cat in
the neighborhood it ended up at our house.
One day, this young, black tomcat showed up. He had a beautiful, shiny, black
coat and a sunny disposition as well. He seemed very smart and loved to be held
and petted. We took him in and thought that since we already had too many cats
we should try to find a home for him.
Over the next few days we all enjoyed having this guy around but discovered that
when it was time for a bowel movement he would always do his job in the
fireplace rather than the litter box. We kept our eyes open and if any of us
spotted him heading for the fireplace we would grab him and deposit in the litter
box. We tried for several days to teach him, but it just wasn’t working. That
settled it, and we decided there was no way we could keep him. He had to go.
Soon after, Pat was at work and one of the men said that his wife and kids were
bugging him to get a kitten. Pat says “We’ve got a beautiful young male, only a
few months old that was dropped off in our neighborhood. He’s got a beautiful
black coat and loves kids and loves lots of attention.” Her co-worker says “he
sounds perfect and I’d like to have him.” So, the next day, Pat takes the cat to
work and gives him to the guy. A few days later, she sees the guy and asks him
how the cat is doing. “Oh”, he says, “he’s such a beautiful cat and we all just love
him!” Then, he says, “There is one thing…” Pat tries to look cool and unknowing as
she asks “What would that be?” “Well”, says the guy, “we can’t keep him from
crapping in the fireplace!”
Dave Thomas
7/13/2014
Don’t get me wrong. I love my doctors. They keep me patched up and able to enjoy life with my wife, Pat, and my kids, grand-kids, and great grand-kids. However, it is sometimes necessary to bring a few things to their attention. Here are a couple of those items:
The heaviest door you will ever encounter today (and the hardest one to open) will be the door to your doctor’s office. It doesn’t matter if you are old and disabled, or if you are on crutches, you may need some help.
And here’s another observation: If you can read the telephone numbers on your eye doctor’s business card or appointment card, you may not need the guy. Graphics designers, with the approval of your doctor, will put the phone number in the smallest type size possible. It may be just me, but I thought a person would be looking for an eye doctor’s phone number because they have a vision problem. I thought I had died and gone to heaven at the Fort Worth Retina Specialist’s office when I saw that the phone number on the business card was the biggest thing on the card, and I could read it
Dave Thomas
04/07/2021
The Palette Is Changing
Apparently there are some organizations that are worried about the color of our skin. Not to worry, guys, as a solution is forthcoming.
As I understand it, the human race had its origins in Ethiopia. I guess that means we all started out as black folks. As we dispersed throughout the world, our skin colors changed, mostly due to environmental factors. Don’t worry about our differences as a large change is under way. The amazing increase in the number of interracial marriages means that in a few generations, we will all be the same color again…. A beautiful chocolate brown or perhaps a rich golden tan.
Dave Thomas
3/30/2021
We Need Some Preachin’
Like most of you, I have been totally disgusted with the events of the past four years. It’s been all about power, greed, hate, and a complete disrespect of others. It makes me wonder if anyone has heard of the Golden Rule. Nowadays, it seems to be all me, me, me. When I was growing up, we were reminded constantly of the Golden Rule, and how it should be practiced in our everyday lives. Our parents, teachers, and Sunday School teachers reminded us over and over again: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” If this isn’t an exact quote, don’t worry about it. The message is there.
Dave Thomas
3/18/2021
Pat and I had gotten up just a few minutes before and were just sitting down at the
kitchen table with a cup of coffee. We heard a noise outside and Pat got up and opened
the curtains. There was a donkey with his lips almost against the window. He must have
been as startled as we because he cut loose with Hee-Haw, Hee-Haw and it was loud
enough to shake the house! We recognized the donkey as the pet of the Noble family
that lived several houses up the hill from us.
We had been visited by the donkey a couple of times before. We had a Shetland pony
for the kids that we kept in a corral next to our back fence. In the previous visits the
donkey had come down the back fence- line but for some reason this time he had come
down the street. I had my jeans on and was wearing flip-flops or thongs or shower shoes
or whatever you call them. I went out to the shed and got a lead rope and came back
and snapped it onto the halter the donkey was wearing. I headed for the street to take
him home and he was well-mannered and led on a slack rein, walking beside my
shoulder.
We got to the street and started up the hill but it was tough going for me. The asphalt
streets in our development had been sealed a couple of days before and then a fine
layer of sand had been spread on them. The footing wasn’t that good and I kept
scooping up sand with my flip-flops. I was relieved when we got up the hill to the
Noble’s house. However, about this time, the donkey must have realized he was almost
home and he snorted and whirled around and started running back down the hill. I dug
in my heels and yelled “Whoa” as I held onto the end of the lead rope. It was a wasted
effort! That donkey was going downhill as fast as he could go and I was out on the end of
that rope with my heels dug in and looking like a water skier on a slalom course. Our
wild ride finally got us to the bottom of the hill and as we got to our house, I could see
Pat in her pajamas and housecoat out in the front yard pointing at us and laughing like a
crazy woman. The donkey stopped and I looked back up the hill and here comes Noble,
laughing. He was kind enough to say that he had seen the donkey escape but had to get
dressed before he could come out. As you have read, I got no respect at all. It may have
been caused by the donkey but I made a complete ass of myself.
Dave Thomas
7/13/2014 (Repost on 3/11/21)
I don’t have a story today. For the next couple of minutes, you might want to try one of these:
Dave Thomas
3/5/2021
This has been an interesting project and a lot of fun for me. I had been thinking about my home town and some of the people in it, and began to wonder just how much I could remember of my younger days. In an effort to quantify the project or put some kind of bounds on it, I decided to consider the business district and the years 1945, when I was 9, through 1957, when I was 20. I’m sure that I mixed up the locations of some stores and misspelled some names. What surprises me, is that after 70 or 75 years, how much I remembered about the shopkeepers, their spouses, their families, where they lived, what kinds of cars they drove, and a lot of other little things. I knew the people that ran almost every store in town, and they knew me. It always a pleasure to go downtown, and the people I saw were pretty decent folks.
There were a lot more people to know in our small town. The largest employer in town was the Mobil Refinery. I’ll bet that by the time I was 12, I could stand by the gate at quitting time and identify more than half the men as they came out.
Augusta served as a bedroom community for the aviation industry of Wichita. Some of our townspeople worked at Beech, Boeing, and Cessna. All of this helped add to our circle of acquaintances.
Our town was also surrounded by family farms, and I was privileged to know a lot of those families as well. For instance, Glen Chalmers went to a country school in his early years, but I looked forward to seeing him and his parents and sister at Sunday School and church every week.
Flexing your memory and cleaning out the rust can be a fun thing to do.
Dave Thomas
3/3/2021
Crossing 3rd Avenue and heading south on the west side, you find Mr. Jackson’s lot. He was a mechanic that seemed to limit his clientele. There never seemed to be more than one car at his place at a time. He and his wife were both pleasant people.
Next, was Howard Motors, a Chevrolet and Buick dealership. The company was owned by Ray Howard. Jack Parker reminded me that I forgot to mention that Howard Motors started out in the 600 block of State Street at the location next occupied by Mr. Blowey and his Augusta Hardware. I think Howard Motors moved into the new location in 1950 or 1951. I began working for them at the new location in the summer of 1952. I got to know the Howard’s pretty well. Ray sang with my Dad in the Augusta Elks Barbershop Quartet. Ray and Veda had 3 kids, Connie, Jackie, and Bill. Bill (William Ray Howard, Jr.) was a friend and classmate. Kenneth Markley was Service Manager and drove the wrecker. Kenny Dickinsen was Shop Foreman and Head Mechanic. Frank Prosser was a mechanic. Hank Funkey was also a mechanic. Phil Harding (brother of Cliff Harding at Scholfield-Hurst Motors) was Parts Manager. Betty Harrison worked in the office. Merle Canfield and Budd Nutter were salesmen. In late 1954 or early 1955, Ray Howard sold to George L. Findley, and it became the George L. Findley Chevrolet Company. George and his wife had come from Wichita. They had a daughter. They bought the David Allison house on Washington Lane. George hired Max Blackwelder, a CPA, to handle the financing and insurance components of the business. I think that during this period, Doug Sawtelle was in charge of the body shop for a time.
Next is the log cabin, the Augusta Historical Society Museum. I’ve already talked about this. I’m glad it’s still there and that it is being well cared for by the Director and the Board.
Next, go across the street to the east side. The only business over there was Crooks Cleaners, a dry cleaning shop owned by Jim Crooks. He was a very nice guy, and he had a son, also named Jim.
Dave Thomas
1/11/2021